The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
