Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
