I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
