so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
