I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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