No stitches, just platelets and will power
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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