Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
