i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
