well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
