my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
