my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
