i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
