I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
