she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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