I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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