Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
