who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
