Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
