So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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