dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
