The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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