why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
