you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
