dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
