sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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