I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
