So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
