12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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