Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
