and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
