You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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