I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize