You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
whose parrot is this?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
