No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Alive.
So much puke
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
