We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
