Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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