I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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