Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
