dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
