i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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