He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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