Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
then he tried to convert me to islam
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
