JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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