dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
