im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
