is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
