I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
