He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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