There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
