I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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