Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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