I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
