This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
