i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
