shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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