John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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