why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
