my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
