Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
