Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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