I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
